MARRIAGE: HEART TO HEART

Marriage is a heart to heart relationship. It is more than a legal contract, or even a verbal commitment. It is from the heart. When we refer to the heart, we are talking about the inward person. It is the mind, will and emotions.

When one or both partners have a hardened heart in marriage, there is a silent divorce, and often a legal divorce. 

Points to Consider

Mental transparency is in the heart of marriage. The two minds become as one. That does not mean the married couple never have different opinions. However, they freely discuss their thoughts without exception. Heart to heart marriages keep no secrets from each other. They feel safe to share their innermost thoughts with the one they love.

Sharing desires creates intimacy in the heart of marriage. The marriage probably began because of the desire for each other. We call that "falling in love."

Heart to heart marriage is a strong desire for each other. It is the desire to live with each other, to share their lives with that special person. They are willing to be committed to each other.

Some people feel trapped in a marriage because the desire is gone. Their heart is no longer in the relationship. It becomes platonic and routine. This often leads to silent divorce.

Sharing your emotions is at the heart of marriage. All emotions should be expressed to the person you love. This includes the negative emotions such as anger, jealousy and depression. If a wife can share her emotions freely, including the negative ones, with her husband, the intimacy level rises. 

"Bottled" emotions of the husband or wife can cause non-direct conflict in marriage. Ask often how your spouse feels about different situations. "Tell me what you're feeling now" is an excellent statement to get to the heart. Emotions should be shared freely.

The heart of marriage begins with God. So many people do not understand the need for God in their marriage. Only God can change hard hearts to save a marriage.

When a couple reach a place of difficulty in marriage, it is important for them to pray together. They can ask God to change their hearts and bless their marriage. He will.

The secret of a happy marriage comes from the heart. There are many issues confronting marriages, such as finances, sexuality, in-laws, etc. However, there is really one basic issue, it's about the heart. If it is not really a heart-to-heart relationship, all the other issues are secondary.

         By Dr. Richard Trader