Intimacy & Anger in Marriage

Anger is a normal part of an intimate relationship. We should not fear anger in marriage. However, we need to know how to process our anger without doing harm to the relationship. A man said to me that his wife and he had a rule in their marriage. They would never go to sleep when angry with each other. He did admit that they had stayed up sometimes until the early hours of the morning. That's a good rule. Anger will be a part of your marriage. The key is dealing with it to resolve it. It must not be ignored. The Bible teaches us, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger" (Ephesians 4:26, NLT). That is to say, deal with your anger now.

How should we deal with anger in marriage?

Anger is a healthy sign in a good marriage. That's right. There is a love/anger cycle in marriage. I taught a marriage conference on that subject years ago. The couples relaxed to know that anger in marriage is normal. A marriage without emotions, including anger, is a dead relationship, which becomes a silent divorce.

Learn how to resolve your anger. First of all, admit to your spouse that you are angry. It helps to say, "I'm angry." Admit the cause of your anger. Talk through your anger. Make sure that your mate understands your anger.

Don't bottle your anger. Pretending like you are not angry is not the solution. Be transparent with your spouse. To bottle anger causes it to explode in a non-direct manner. Then you are not discussing openly the real reason for the anger.

Let your spouse talk freely about the anger without interruption. Your mate needs to download the anger. There is time for questions and further discussion after the anger is expressed. Do not become defensive. Anger expressed freely leads to intimacy, because it is being transparent with your spouse. Transparency is the key to intimacy.