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Friday, January 18, 2013


They had been married for two years. She loved her husband but she felt like something was missing in the relationship. He thought everything was fine in their marriage. She didn't feel comfortable to tell him what she really thought. You could say that she didn't feel safe to be transparent. She couldn't trust him with the secrets of her heart.

Marriage is a heart-to-heart relationship. It is built on intimacy. Anything that hinders transparency is a barrier to intimacy in marriage. Couples who are transparent open their hearts to intimacy in the relationship. 

Intimacy comes through communicating without barriers. Both husband and wife must feel safe to be transparent. The more transparent they are with each other, the more vulnerable they become to one another. We can only be intimate when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

There are four levels of transparency in marriage. Real intimacy requires all four. The hearts of both husband and wife are open to each other. The door of their hearts is wide open.

Volitional Transparency. This means that you are willing to give yourself completely to your spouse. Fear of being hurt is usually the main obstacle. Without this volitional element, building trust and experiencing intimacy becomes impossible.

Mental Transparency. This means that you have no secrets from your mate. Secrets will build a wall of separation. Sharing your thoughts with your partner provides transparency leading to intimacy. Then, there is trust and a meeting of hearts.

Emotional Transparency. Feelings are shared freely. A husband wants to know what his wife is feeling in every situation. When she feels safe to share her deepest feelings, intimacy and trust are experienced. Criticism and judgmental statements hinder the atmosphere for emotional transparency. When your spouse knows that you will not pass judgment on feelings expressed, the safety is there to be open.

Spiritual Transparency. Let your spouse know your heart about spiritual matters. Worship together and pray together. Share your faith. Confess your doubts. Be open to God together. Confess your sins to each other and pray for one another. Realize that God's bond of love in your relationship is essential to fulfillment in marriage.

Intimacy in marriage is not an unexplained feeling nor an unknown mystery. Intimacy can only come through a transparent and vulnerable relationship. When both persons are willing to completely open their lives to each other, they will enter the area of intimacy in marriage.

Source: Dr.Richard Trader


  1. I'm not married, but I agree with You. Marriage without intimacy is near to finish, if something will not change. It is God's gift. Greetings from Poland!

  2. Thank u Zim for your comment, Yeah its true without God's grace a marriage can not be solid.May God be at the midst of every marriage.


  3. yes dear Tina a marriage without God is dead.


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